Weird legalese

Telepathic powers

a3_nm — 2011-08-22T12:55:38+02:00

From a CASIO license document which was inside a "media package":

This is the License Agreement that you have already read and agreed to when you opened this media package. Please read it for reconfirmation.

Maximal indisponibility

a3_nm — 2011-03-03T18:58:56+02:00

From the Online.net terms of conditions. (Online.net is an Internet hosting provider.)

ONLINE fera son maximum pour atteindre une durée maximale d'indisponibilité de l'Accès Internet.

Translated to English:

ONLINE will do its best to reach a maximal indisponibility duration of the Internet Access.

Thanks to Robin for finding this one and telling me about it.

The End-Seller License

a3_nm — 2010-06-10T23:09:54+02:00

Information protectionists and other corporate fascist try to sell us software, goods or services under the terms of shrinkwrap licences they unilaterally define, and that they claim to bind you by your merely opening the package. Well, as a reply to such juridic abuse, I hereby introduce a solution to all these problems. Indeed, I have no less right than these fascists to impose unilateral terms that apply to people who want to do business with me. So I hereby solemnly declare that anyone who undertakes to have any business whatsoever with me is bound by the terms of following contract, therefrom known as the end-seller license.

From the End-seller license.

Release the dogs!

a3_nm — 2010-06-10T23:04:48+02:00

From the Official Rules to EFF's Defcon 18 Getaway Contest (emphasis mine):

By participating in the Contest, you agree to release EFF and its employees, directors, officers, fellows, interns, staff dogs, and agents from any and all liability, claims or actions of any kind whatsoever for injuries, damages or losses to persons and property which may be sustained in connection with the receipt, ownership, possession, use, or misuse of any prize.

Also from the same source:

By participating in this Contest, you acknowledge and agree that Han shot first.

Best before 2050

a3_nm — 2010-02-18T16:41:57+02:00

From SlySoft CloneCD:

The license to use the SOFTWARE PRODUCT ends at the 31st of December, 2050.

Don't be evil

a3_nm — 2009-12-29T12:47:42+02:00

From jsmin:

The Software shall be used for Good, not Evil.

Found via Cnet news.

Email addresses have a price

a3_nm — 2009-12-29T01:38:27+02:00

From the International Star Registry:

Email addresses on this site are considered proprietary intellectual property. It is recognized that these email addresses are provided for human visitors alone. You acknowledge and agree that each email address the Website contains has a value not less than US $50.

The Pirate Bay, not as free as it sounds

a3_nm — 2009-12-29T01:36:28+02:00

From The Pirate Bay:

We reserve the rights to charge for usage of the tracker in case this policy is violated. The charge will consist of a basic fee of EUR 5 000 plus bandwidth and other costs that may arise due to the violation.